Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
