Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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