he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
