the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
