I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
