he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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