I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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