Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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