Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
