Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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