My room smells like vodka and shame
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
