I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
