yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
