hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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