one might say we're banned from that church
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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