flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
