Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
