this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
are you so shy because you have an std?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
