Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
