Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
