I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize