dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Someone signed my nipple.
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