You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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