how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
