Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
