Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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