kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
