I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
