How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
