I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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