I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
