Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
