I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
