DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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