did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
