have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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