Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sext me about skeletons
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
