the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
