dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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