Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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