his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
