..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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