My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
