my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't put those talents on a resume
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
