shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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