I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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