A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
