Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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