I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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