Your face is a jimmy john
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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