I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
