Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
