Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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