after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
