she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
