Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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