I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
