i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
