Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
