you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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