hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
