You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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