You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Terrible idea I love it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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