his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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