Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
