My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
